Because God manifests His grace through people to people, because His primary modus operandi in the realm of humans is to partner with us rather than to force us, if we are to become frictionless recipients of His grace, we need another human - a spiritual coach or discipler.

Yes, we can do as most people do and wait for events to overtake us. I was so bull-headed that it wasn't until I was 31 before I was able to get to brokenness and some real growth. If I had sought someone out to disciple me, I could have avoided a lot of pain.

A spiritual coach becomes the mouthpiece for the Holy Spirit, bearing witness with what the Spirit may already be telling us and helping create a critical mass of conviction and direction that results in behavior change.

In doing so, our spiritual coach has three primary tools at His disposal, prayer, encouragement, and challenge. Selfish behavior is extinguished as it is challenged. Loving behavior grows as it is encouraged.

Thus, for example, does a selfish person become more giving. Thus does a person who has been unloving come to express love - at first changing behavior and then as those actions form a sustained pattern, developing character.

I don't know how you propose to grow, but it generally doesn't happen by listening to tapes or sermons or sitting thru Bible studies, though those can all be a help.

Growth happens most frequently when people pray for, encourage, or challenge other people.