Most people have a hard time with reality. They are victims whining about it. They are neurotics coping with it in abnormal ways. They are OCD, trying to control it. They are idealists trying to redefine what should be.

For all these people I have a saying that an accountant taught me that will help: It is what it is.

Say it with me, people, "It is what it is."

That doesn't mean that we shouldn't try to work hard to change reality. It doesn't mean that we're cynical or defeatist about how we deal with it. Reality is just our starting place.

Now of course there is the spiritual reality that may be at odds with what we see. We are not being Pollyannish to say:

 "We call things that are not, as though they were." or

 "I'm a new creation in Christ. Behold all things are made new."

But we've got to get out of this hamster cage that we lock ourselves in as we respond to reality with denial, anger, and escapism. Pain needs to be dealt with; it can't be pushed down or made to disappear. It's like a beach ball that when pushed under the water will pop back up.

Pain is part of life. It comes at us from all directions. When we feel something beyond our control that seems wrong, broken, unjust or impossible, we have to look at the pain and deal with reality. The pain is what it is. Acknowledging it is the first step to transforming it.

The suffering we feel may not have an explanation, but it is real. No amount of suppressing or redefinition will make it right. But we can start down a path toward healing if we'll deal with it. And while we may not be able to eliminate it, if we do not transform our pain, we will surely transmit it.

No one can go back in time to undo the abuse you may have suffered as a child. And yes, your daddy probably didn't love you the way he should have. You've not been loved the way you deserved. You've not been appreciated by the very people who should appreciate you.

It's a broken world, it is what it is. Let's accept that, and move on to a place of redemption.