Have you ever had a friend who seemed to argue with you all the time? If you're from New York City, the answer is going to be yes. As Johnny Carson noted, "Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." Arguing is a part of the culture.

I used to need to be right. When I saw that another person had what I considered to be a wrong opinion, I made it my mission to change their view. It bothered me if I couldn't convince them.

Admittedly, I still take the bait and argue from time to time. But it's no longer so important to me to be right and to help others change their minds. I figure, if they want to be wrong, that's their prerogative. Somehow I grasped the truth of what Thomas Carlyle said, "A man lives by believing something: not by debating and arguing about many things."

Some people argue out of habit. But I wonder if it isn't often a result of the sin of pride. Perhaps that's what drove me to be right. It wasn't about the issue, it was about winning. There was a piece of me at stake in the argument. If I lost, I felt diminished.

As I've grown older, I've found it easier to let things go. If someone makes a provocative statement, I no longer consider it an invitation to a fight. I ask myself, "Will the relationship be helped by an argument?" And if the answer is yes, I ask, "Do I have the energy for it?" The answer to both questions is almost always no.

A good honest debate is one thing, but arguments seem to too easily fray the fabric of relationship. For a man who seemed to engage in a lot of arguments, the apostle Paul warned of the danger of being divisive, "Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them." Titus 3:10

Do you know anyone who so needs to be right all the time that they are divisive? If so, do you find yourself avoiding them?

I've got a few friends like that. They seem to perpetually prioritize being right over relationship. If you look behind them, there is a trail of broken relationships. The common theme is that they are always right, but they are also lonely. Whatever else they accomplish in life, their legacy will be a sad one.